being a little girl in security is not fun sometimes…
our lil oz friend had been doing sidestage for most of the night with no problems – now he’s only a couple of inches taller than i am but no one queries his ability to chuck a guy out.
The problem only started when I take over to let him have his break – this wide no-neck type decides he wants to make a break for the stage – he dives over the table, I manage to grab him and he sprawls across the floor..
I’m kneeling on his back gesturing for the sound guy to go get big P from the back (think of the biggest guy you know and double it – thats big P – he’s adorable)
When he manages to shake me off I grab him again and try to pull him backwards – he grabs my leg and swings me up in the air (now I have to admit, this probably looked hilarious to anyone watching – I was laughing as it happened…) he then charges for the stair leading backstage.. I manage to grab the rail and hook a leg under a stair… grabbing this neanderthal round the neck I manage to hold him back.. I’m just getting enough leverage to pull him backwards and knock his legs out from under him when one of the soundguys starts tugging on my arm..
Now I thought he was trying to help me keep my balance – badly. The other sound guy by this time has finally run to get big P.
So im there – hanging off the stairs, one hand grasping the rail – the other round the neck of this struggling man mountain – when p shows up… he takes one look and pisses himself laughing.
I mean REALLY! I just heard the ‘SHE’S security?!?!” from sound guy 1, who instantly lets go of my arm, the guy im holding see’s p and stops struggling. I let go cos I figure – bugger it, ive done my bit. when P pushes him towards me and says, go on vic – all yours.
I wouldnt mind but I havent seen him laugh that much in ages. The guy looks at me and starts backing towards the stage entrance I just grab him and shove him rather ungently out of the fire exit I know.. but by this point I was more than a little embarrassed and on a total adrenalin rush)
What didnt help was S then came back from his break and I had to walk out past Big p to get back to the front doors – after a big hug and an explanation of the fact the sound guys had thought I was the problem and mr no-neck the security (said sound guys both followed me out to shake my hand and apologise) When J our scouse head of security barrels in to ask “what the fook was all tharrabout there then?” much laughter ensued.
you know the worst thing… apparantly the guy had asked big p to let me chuck him out after I let go. seems he preferred my tender mercies. So much for an ego hey?!
I am SOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo taking this guy up on the one on one wing chun instruction thing. HA! mess with me then will ya!