t’internet is home

There comes a point where everyone has had enough, they just feel they can’t handle anything else. Then after that, there comes another and another – each time you think
“why me? I’m a nice person, everyone says so – what have I done to deserve all this shit?!”
Sadly it’s not that simple, people are cruel.
The most hurt always comes from the place you would least expect it – even when all the signs were there beforehand. You know the signs were there because you spend every minute of every hour for the next few days, weeks and months (ok, years) going over and over in your mind every little thing, every nuance of every conversation till you can see the things that led you into this hell – but you never understand. The signs are there, but no hint of the cause.

Hopeless and dying
heart heavy and sore
everything hurts
just cant take anymore

with my head in the sand
let the world pass me by
surrounded by many
Alone I still cry

Yes D, I do know how you feel.
It passes. Eventually.

You know why? Because people are also fantastic. When I was at my lowest point, I discovered the internet, in doing so I discovered that the kindness of strangers is limitless. Yes I had friends who cared, but they were too far away to really help (which is why I started using the net in the first place, it was an easy way to stay in contact and a damn sight cheaper than a 3hr phone call every day)
I honestly believe it was the people I met online who kept me sane and away from doing anything really stupid. They gave me hope. I know a lot of people find that hard to understand – they say that someone you’ve never met cannot be a true friend, I say a true friend is someone who is there for you, in whatever capacity they can, when you need it most – regardless of the situation.
Yes, I have sadly lost contact with many of those people, The portugal crowd, the hellifiknow quizzers and the abuse regulars in the msn chatrroms. Others (like Chris, Matt, Donn and Rosie) I have the odd moment of reflection where I am TRULY truly grateful that you still put up with me. Intermittant though that contact is.

These days I’m like a cork, I may get broken, battered – splinter into a million pieces, but whatever trouble comes my way, I know I’ll still be floating on top when it’s over.