Rosevibe

Seriously, how better to procrastinate than to read about ways of avoiding it.

Genius 

And now that little task is done i’m for bed. my brain is mush and I have to be up and reasonably alert tomorrow because the lovely Kevin from welfare rights is coming around to help me fill in my incapacity benefit forms. A task I have been leaving and leaving because I get a headache just looking at them, here’s hoping he can help me figure out a way of answering the question “approximately how far can you walk?” when they provide check boxes with distances in feet and yards – yet my answer is some days I cannot walk at all – others I can walk 1-2 miles.. (Well.. almost)
Now that’s gonna be fun.

I even have the added fun of going in for a medical assessment on Tuesday, the last time I had one of those they stopped my benefits – you see, if i’m having a good day then obviously i’m just trying to cheat the system – the fact that this illness fluctuates seems to not matter to them – i’m actually considering drinking an espresso before leaving just so the doctor actually sees me on a bad day – only problem is that feels an awful lot like lying, added to which, I really don’t want a bad day, especially in public! It means Stef would have to carry me to and from the car and I’d feel like utter crap – even worse than the last few days, I wouldn’t be able to answer his questions because i’d be a cabbage and.. *sigh* there’s just no way to win at this is there?

I either engineer it so they do see me at my worst which feels too much like acting/ lying/ trying to cheat – which in turn means I then need to build myself back up again (a process that sux arse at the best of times) or I try and buck myself up for the trip like I do whenever I have a task to perform and act like a ‘normal’ person and get treated as a benefit bludging malingerer.

Feck it, that’s next week – i’m going to bed.