Flyyyy little wi-ing

Just listening to a few of the tracks we’re rehearsing – I just hope my throats up for it *sigh* ah well, I’ve a fair amount of time until we get together again.

Heading up to grans shortly – Stefs very kindly acting as chauffeur because i’ve been a tad on the pathetic side again as you can see from the posts on my cfs blog. I should probably re-name it my whinge blog to be honest *grin* I try to be all happy and upbeat on here most of the time (ok so I don’t always succeed – but I try) but over there I can whimper about how crappy I feel for as long and as often as I want. i know there are crossovers between here and there but I think it’s depressing dwelling on the damned thing hence the 2 blogs.

I know some people wonder why a person will put so much of themselves on the net – I’ve been asked many times why I feel the need to do this, to open myself up to complete strangers, to post my innermost thoughts where anyone can read it – the thing is, I don’t do that.

My innermost thoughts remain just that, what you see on here is a semblance of them, the diluted trickle I feel comfortable sharing, and yet it is still me. It’s still more than some people are comfortable with.

I dunno – maybe it is down to a lack of affection as a child – no one who knows me can deny that, or maybe it’s just that I write better than I speak, especially now with the way this illness affects me.

If something is gnawing away at my mind then I can’t rest until I’ve written it down, typing is far easier than writing – I don’t get cramp and I can edit as I go without having to write something again neatly when I’m done.. I’ve just become accustomed to this way of expressing myself, my blog is my salvation in a way.

If I’m upset I can’t verbally express how I feel, i need to write, i’ve always been this way – even before the cfs kicked in, now though the blog fulfills another need, the need for validation – it’s a way of saying ‘look i’m here, I exist’ you tend to need something like that if you only ever see a handful of people, My best friend lives miles away from me and we don’t speak often, so the blog has become my surrogate – all the little things I’d tell a friend I can write here instead, the fact that you are here reading this means i’m not alone.

*sigh* I don’t think i’m making much sense – but we rarely do when we try to explain ourselves to others do we? I guess what I’m trying to say is that since I have no mark to make on the ‘real’ world, I shall leave an electronic footprint of my own, it may not be large, it may not contribute much to society in general, but it’s all mine and i’m happy as I go.

And being happy is what counts really, isn’t it?

4 thoughts on “Flyyyy little wi-ing

  1. Pingback: Rosevibe » Blog Archive » The fine art of blogging.

  2. K. Restoule

    I can relate to the need to express yourself. The thing is online, you feel safer since you’re not actually screaming at anyone. Either way I’m here for ya.


    Right back atcha K babes.

  3. Claire

    Ahh babes! chin up! will see you soon!
    Hope your okay

    love clairey xxx

    Delighted to hear it my love – and don’t worry, i’m fine just having one of ‘those’ weeks *grin*

  4. debambam

    You are making a lot of sense love! Of course by writing on here instead of a paper diary we are satisfying the need for validation, and contact with others…..and it’s like a kind of group therapy too…especially your cfs one. People who have been through similar experiences in life tend to find each other and thats what we are all seeking – like minded people who can empathise and say to us “you aren’t alone!”
    p.s Hope you feel better soon mate 🙂

    Cheers Kelly, as to feeling better – you and me both love.

Comments are closed.