We climbed out of the pit around midday, slobbed around for another couple of hours then got in the car to sit in rush hour traffic and listen to steve wright and chris evans on radio 2, then we came home, ate take out, watched films and went to bed.
That was valentines – and it beats messing around and making a big deal out of the thing any day of the week!
I’ve asked the band to look for a new lead singer, I’ve said I’ll stick around as a backing singer if they want me to but i’m facing facts, i’m not fit enough to front a band.
Lets face it, if i need to be sat down for a rehearsal (because on tuesday they had a mic stand set up when i arrived with no chair available so I ended up lying down after each song.. not good.) I’m not going to be able to see through a whole gig. It’s something that worried me from day one but it’s been brushed aside – now they have a full complement of players and the stuff is coming together it’s obvious that i’m the weak link – and quite frankly i feel like too much processed dog crap to even do a full rehearsal at the moment – never mind a gig!
Yes I am still depressed but that’s not the reason I’ve made this decision, it’s because there are other more important things going on in my life right now that I need the energy for, Yes i’ve loved being in a band with teh guys because it made me feel as though i actually do have a life despite the illness, but I guess it’s not fair to them to string this along since they’re wanting to gig – and gig often.
The reality is I physically cannot cope with that amount of work. I have memory problems which means I struggle with the lyrics (something which really annoys me, I used to be nicknamed ‘jukebox’ for a reason) and in 3 out of 5 rehearsals i’m too knackered to do more than sit there, I get snappy and miserable when i’m tired and that’s all I seem to be at the moment, i’m bringing it home and Stef doesn’t deserve it.
Much as I love singing and playing with a band, it’s just not working out. I know they say don’t shoot the messenger but i also have to admit to uncharitably bitter thoughts about the new drummer for making this an obvious problem.
Ah well, would have happened sooner or later.
Right, i’m going back to bed, my heads pounding, I ache all over and my throat feels as though someone’s poured acid down it with a wire brush chaser.