Fire and Damnation

I didn’t get to have my driving lesson after all, pain interrupted my plans.

Seriously, I’m starting to feel a little paranoid, though to be fair that could just be residual pms. But since I’ve been trying to sort out getting a licence for a number of years now and each time I’ve been thwarted by finances or health issues, I am really considering the thought that just maybe it’s not meant to be..
So, I turned to the net to ease my woes, and it worked, I calmed down, life seemed brighter – the way it always does online until microsoft kicks in and the pc crashes or refuses to boot up the program I need and taunts me with the pretty blue screen of death.
Seriously.. Who the hell chose BLUE as the default colour for that screen? Surely red is a far more appropriate choice?! Or green? Green is supposed to be calming isn’t it? I’m sure that’s the real reason computers used to have green screens (at least my dads did, I think it was an amstrad.. But I digress..)

My problem over the last couple of days hasn’t just been microsoft, it’s been everything. Because of course when you are in pain and hormonal and things refuse to work it’s because the world is out to get you. Right?
Am I right? Of course I’m right!

There I was snapping at the love of my life everytime he even breathed in my general direction then feeling shitty for taking it out on him then getting pissed off at him because I felt guilty then getting even more annoyed at myself for being pissed at him.. You get the picture.
So I decided to vent my spleen on the blog – you know, empty threats directed at anything fortunate enough to avoid the monthly heamorraging (mainly men but computers, animals and tv’s were coming in for a blasting too)

I’d just finished writing a stomach churning description of my need to kill, torture and maim everything within the immediate vicinity (it was quite graphic, I was so proud) and I felt that all I needed was a suitable image to really sum it up. I googled for ‘screaming woman’ ‘female wrath’ ‘hormonal rage’ ‘woman+pms+knife’ and numerous other delightful phrases before finding the perfect thing via a few related links, you know, the kind of search you just cannot duplicate because you took so many random turns on the comment trail. I was all calmed down again and almost happy because I had sublimated my irrational temper into a rather filthy piece of writing.
That’s when firefox decided to close down on me – before I’d saved my draft, before I’d saved the image, before I was completely free of the demons that were driving me. THEN, oh yes.. THEN the pc did the hanging thing again and I had to shut it off manually.
I was not happy.

I mean REALLY not happy. The silence was deafening.
You know it’s bad when there’s silence. Screaming is good, it’s venting – let ’em scream. Worry if they become detached.

I ‘silently’ stomped over to the tv and desperately searched for something soothing to watch (in vain) then paid for an Ugly Betty marathon – the love of my life wisely refrained from complaining about this and kept his head down after making me a drink and silently passing over the chocolate truffles Nicky had bought for my birthday.

Several hours of mind numbing fluff later, I could communicate in more than grunts and evil looks so he figured it was safe to come in for a cuddle, I didn’t mind this as my guy definitely gives the best lower back rub in the world, (he’s also an obvious masochist – why the hell else would he put up with this every month?) In a much better mood I give the pc a try again, guess what? I couldn’t even twitter because the damned site is playing up, my vampire was attacked and I lost 49 golds and when I attacked a lesser player I still got creamed.. Oh, and when I tried to blog again.. Nope, shut down. Yesterday was not a good day, virtually or in reality.

Today, I stayed in bed till 11am, then I read a book, then I decided to watch ‘the history boys’ only I couldn’t watch a dvd because the media centre decided it wasn’t playing. Vista was having a paddy.. Wait? Vista? yup, fecking microsoft bumming me out again.

So I’ve asked Stef to stick Ubuntu on it. I think the poor lad’ll do it in self defense, if I’m watching stuff I’m not bitching at him about anything, the added bonus is that if I’m watching a chick flick, he stands a good chance of me coming out the other end in a loving and affectionate mood (same response to a mills & boon, I’m pathetically predictable) this is not likely to happen if I can’t access the dvd and I’m sick to the back teeth of microsoft products pissing me around.. Wish the poor lad your best eh?! I think he needs the love..

2 thoughts on “Fire and Damnation

  1. stef

    SuperHeroes who needs em? None of them could battle with your Monthly Monster or the Daily Hungry Hulk. I should get a medal or at least a chest to pin it on!

  2. mojo shivers

    I’m sorry you felt so awful, Vics. But don’t worry, you’ll get another crack at driving and to spite those things that made your day such a nightmare.

    Meh, the only thing that makes my day a nightmare when i’m in that mood is me – and I spread it around *grin* I’m best avoided three days a month – just ask Stef 😉

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