Just ’cause..

Had some very kind and interesting offers since writing my last post so one way or another it looks like I get to keep my site *grin* do people on the internet rock or what..?

I need to curb my pinterest addiction though or very little will be done to the place (if you’re interested in seeing the kind of things I’ve collected then check out http://pinterest.com/rosevibe/ some lovely things there – if you want an invite let me know) the problem is I’m lacking focus; I need a job, a set of aims and objectives – something with an externally imposed deadline.

That’s right, a deadline.

I know I whined about ’em all through uni but the truth is that f I don’t have a set deadline I flounder and bimble and just collect ideas for things to do ‘someday’ but someday never comes. There is no urgency to the things I want to do for myself; unless it is for another person I let life get in the way and put things off because they’re not really important.

If we owned our own home then it might be different; I could make that my focus and actually do some of the things I’ve earmarked to make life a little easier and utilise the space we have to it’s best advantage – but when you rent a place it’s not so easy to change things, especially when you know it will cost you money in the long run as you have to put it all back the way it was when you move.

Instead I’m fumbling around in a kind of limbo and I hate it; I hate lacking purpose; always have.

I have too many interests and no NEED to focus on any or to choose a favourite, unless I’m doing something for somebody else and have that fear of letting them down to spur me on I’ll continue to make lists, collect tutorials and read about the things I should be doing.

This week has been nice as I’ve had a small job to do, my former tutor had me editing a 3 minute elevator pitch video for some project funding; it was a tight deadline but to be honest, I prefer that; I need that slight feeling of pressure to get the juices flowing. I just wish I hadn’t had a couple of CFS days to deal with in the middle of it or I would feel like I’d done a better job.

..Then again, it wasn’t a bad job; just not up to my perfectionist aspirations, I can always see where I could have done better; still not quite down with the ‘just good enough’ mentality necessary to get things moving.

That’s probably my greatest weakness; I need somebody else to say “stop, it’ll do as it is” because left to myself I’ll be tweaking forever in order to make whatever it is match the perfect result I envision in my head and nobody else will ever see my creation because it “isn’t ready/ it’s not good enough”

So realistically – even if I do ‘get the chance’ to work on it, this website will likely always be as is; my test site still isn’t shiny enough.. One day I’ll find confidence in my abilities and stop comparing myself to people who for years have been doing the things for a living that I’m just learning; but not today.

Today I have to create some pdf’s for another uni contact and play around with wordpress to do so – they want a basic users guide so, screenshots a-plenty. ..And I might venture out into the sunshine for a dose of vitamin D when I’m sick of doing that 😉

..Staying away from pinterest – it’s a worse time sink than stumbleupon!