Category Archives: dreams

Freaky dreams

Just had and absolute shitter of a nightmare.
I was a young boy in this dream, left alone by my parents when they had to go somewhere, I had a friend up the road who I communicated with via txt who was in the same position. He said he was gonna come over so I got out of bed, went into the kitchen only to see a guy with an axe, I screamed and ran upstairs (why do we always run back upstairs?) The guy followed me and then… Suddenly in my dream I was the other boy dressed and heading over to my friends on my bike. I got to his house and it was strangely quiet, no tv, no music. Odd…

I put my bike in the garage and went in through the side entrance, I saw food all over the place and started calling for my friend – I ran upstairs, expecting him to jump out at me any minute laughing.
What I saw was his body hanging from the ceiling, legs kicking and flailing arms trying desperately to grab something and his head out of sight, hidden from view by the plasterboard.
I whirled round as a taunting voice chuckled and told me he was on a time limit and hadn’t I better help before he lost his head… The guy speaking was very normal looking – fairly attractive, slim, dark hair, dark eyes – thin face but high cheek bones and dimples saved it from looking too ascetic.

And just like that I was the first boy again, struggling with my breathing – feeling the weight of my body pulling at my neck, trying to find purchase. I could see something snuffling in the dark, I could hear the breathing but I didn’t know what it was, didn’t even know how I’d gotten here.
I felt something thrust into my hand and I beat against the ceiling with it, It turned out to be the axe, when I felt it catch I started kicking up with my legs – great mounds of plasterboard flying around me as I screamed my fear and frustration out.
And then I fell. A heap of myself and a large chunks of the ceiling on my parents bed.

Then I was the other boy again.
I helped my friend off the bed and asked him what the hell was going on.
Just as he was about to answer, a dolls head came rolling across the floor towards us – My friend shrieked and said “it’s a bomb” I told him not to be so daft until I noticed the blinking red light and the wires hanging from the neck opening.
I threw it out of the window. Then a taunting voice came from nowhere, like a walkie talkie or some other transmitting device
“who said the bomb was intended for your house eh?!”

And I ran out of the house after the bomb with a sinking feeling in my heart as I looked towards my own house and heard an explosion, sure enough smoke was pouring out from that direction.
as always in one of my dreams – it was an amazingly glorious day.

We grabbed our bikes and rode through the estate – picture it, like one of those Barrett or Persimmon homes places – wide sweeping roads full of ‘family’ homes complete with front and back garden, not like the cramped council estates you see everywhere.
As we were riding up the hill we heard an engine behind us, there was the same guy – in my dads car! He drove like a maniac trying to mow us down, we ended up going virtually all over the estate with him laughing maniacally and leaning on the horn.
Yet not 1 single person came out to see what was going on.

We saw a police officer, by his car and ran over screaming at him to “get that guy!” he looked up and started backing towards his car as the madman drove past – smiling and waving and gunning the engine. The officer just turned to us and said “there was a hero on our force, he took on a mad taxi driver – 2 weeks later he died in hospital, I’m no hero – sorry kids…” And he just drove off.

We stood there in dismay and the guy came slowly back towards us – he’d obviously tired of this game because he drove past us grinning triumphantly as though this was all he’d been waiting for. Then he shouted “Forgotten something?” and drove on towards my house.

We rode up to my house, there was black smoke pouring from my window and I could hear the sound of whimpering from inside.

He said “Don’t go in” “this is a BAD idea”
I just looked at him and opened the door, I’d gone into the front room – it all looked normal, neat and tidy just as mum had left it, so did the kitchen and the conservatory.
I went to go check upstairs when I heard my friend scream “NO” and heard something tumble off the porch beneath my window.
I ran outside and looked up at my window to see him struggling in the grip of this mad man.
I ran back upstairs and ended up standing in my Bedroom looking out of the ruined window and seeing my friend alone, nursing his wrist.

I said “that’s it! We’re not playing anymore” grabbed my friend by the other hand and dragged him from the house, for some reason he didn’t want to leave – he just kept whimpering and saying “we can’t”
I dragged him outside and started shutting all the doors and windows – He just looked at me horrified and made a mad dash back inside.

I looked up at the window and yes, there he was – struggling with this guy again. I just looked up into that triumphantly smiling face and said “that’s just too bad. I’m NOT playing anymore” and started to turn away I’d gotten maybe 3 paces when I heard a scream and turned to see my friend tumbling out of the window, off the porch, and onto the pavement beside me. I looked down and crouched to pick him up, he started a high pitched squealing – obviously in pain, Then I heard the guy scream “Now DO IT”
My friend looked at me – for an instant it wasn’t him, it was as though I saw THROUGH him and he was just the shell surrounding an evil looking creature whose face was just teeth, lots and lots of small spiky teeth (think galaxy quest and the cute things when they turn nasty) he lunged and bit me – HARD, then he seemed to relax back into himself and held up his arm, It was just a stump – the hand had been cut off at the wrist. I forgot about what had just happened to me and tried to lift him, it was awkward but somehow I managed, I said “we need to get you to the corporate hospital” he said that Juliet was quicker, and I said “but less people use corporate so you’ll get seen quicker” not that he was in any fit state to argue. I woke up to the sound of that guy laughing from the window behind me saying “I’ll see you again… Soon”

This dream really freaked me out – serious, I went downstairs turned on all the lights, opened the window – I’m still feeling a bit ‘odd’ I’ve had some really nasty dreams before, but I’ve never woken from one as though its part of the dream and I’ve been given permission too. That’s just what it felt like, I really wasn’t sure if I were still dreaming or not… I still keep glancing around – half expecting something to crawl out from under the bed and get me.

I think I’m going to get in the bath and head out – go see my gran or something – she’s the best nightmare antidote on the planet.
Lets hope I don’t have a recurrence of THAT. I don’t even want to try analysing it I’m that freaked by it.

Securicor in Swinton?

Ok… Since when did securicor rate an armed escort?
Have I missed something? When did we turn into America or Beirut? (ok, fireworks nonewithstanding) I do have a pic of this as evidence, sadly my bluetooth is playing up (surprise surprise, after the last pic…) so you’ll just have to take my word for it.
Serious, I didn’t even realise at first he was there for the Securicor guy, I was just heading to the cashpoint and this gun toting copper arrives out of nowhere and basically stands pretty much over me as I use the ATM.
I thought it was a joke at first, started glancing around for the camera crew – c’mon, D’ya blame me? A guy in full kevlar complete with rifle guarding a Natwest ATM on a busy main road…
It wasn’t until I’d exchanged a smile and a nod with said gun toting officer, got my cash, crossed over and waited at the stop for my bus that I saw the Securicor van pull out and head for the TSB further up followed closely by the pursuit vehicle with the pwiddy lights.
This time TWO guys with guns stood attentively waiting while the dude in the crash get up ferried the cash – possibly cos the TSB is on a corner… Very entertaining though – little kids making suitably awed comments and everybody else looking yet trying to appear as though they weren’t.
Me – I pulled out the camera phone… no shame.
Pity it’s a crap pic though – hope it looks better on the PC, No zoom function see – but then, it is only a 3650.

Sadly thats the most exciting thing to happen today (if you totally discount the black cat appearing out of nowhere and rushing past me to streak up the stairs in our house just before I went out… scared the bloomin’ life out of me – cats are SOOOOooooooo not welcome in my house)
Actually – is that good luck or bad luck? I can never remember. It definitely crossed my path – moved so fast I didn’t realise what it was at first – god knows how it got in the house though.

Had another rotten dream last night though, they keep coming – this was a continuation of tthe one I had yesterday, Maybe it’s my subconscious trying to help me with this novel (which by the way is going NOWHERE!)

Basically, it started with me standing inside a nice tidy inviting flat (see, had to be a dream – tidy) holding a baby and looking out of the window. I remember the feeling of love and contentment as I kissed the top of his head and just soaked in the peace around me.
This was rapidly obliterated (probably when my mind realised it had me holding a baby and being happy about it lol)
Not quite sure what happened next – but I ended up being hunted by some nameless people, I’d gone out and they’d gotten to the flat before me – killed my family and when I went next door for help where my best friends lived, found them dead too – all in really gruesome horrible ways.

I called S who came to get me, had me pack a bag as quickly as possible and just bundled me in his car (which by the way was NOT yellow)
He took me to his home, not the place I know in real life, but somewhere much bigger – older. There were big trees outside and it was set quite back, (a bit like the old houses in Whalley Range for any fellow mancunions reading this) we went through the front door and then left into his sitting room, in my dream he didn’t live alone – there were 2 older ladies – think spinster aunt types. He sat me down in the leather couch by the window and then just held me as I sobbed my heart out until I exhausted myself and he covered me with a kind of tapestry/ rug and left me to sleep while he sorted some things out.
When I woke up the fire was going and I had a look around the room. There were music stands and various bits and pieces sort of cluttered together in the far corner, the settee I was on was placed under the window and there was another one opposite the fire by the door to my right, I have an odd feeling involving LOTS of leather armchairs throughout the house – even though I only really saw this one room.
Anyway, whilst he was gone, the ‘aunts’ came into the room – they were NOT happy about me being there – said I had to leave before I put both them and S in danger.
So I did.
For some unknown reason I ended up at Leslies house (my mums best mate years ago in Daventry) we were all sat at the window watching the hitmen search the neighbourhood for me, I dont know why but I was safe, it was just horrible seeing them hurt other people.

Are my dreams fucked up or what?
See I did a search;

  • the baby thing coupled with looking out a window apparantly means both a new beginning, I’m very content and that at present there is an innocence of spirit about me (did I laugh at that one?!? Oh yes indeedy)
  • To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance
  • To feel peace in your dream, indicates an end or a resolution to an emotional issue or inner conflict. It may signal and end of a cycle and the pause before the beginning of a new endeavor. It also suggest that you have reached a new level of stability and calmness. Alternatively, the maddening quietness may refer to the calm before the storm.
  • The leather apparantly refers to my “instinctual and animalistic nature” (?!?)
  • If the music stands can be counted as musical instruments (I know, its a stretch) then they symbolise the expectation of fun and pleasures.
  • To dream that you are in the living room, represents the image that you portray to others and the way which you go about your life. It is representative of your basic beliefs about yourself and who you are. So in that case, I’m very warm, cosy and full of interesting and pretty things lol
  • To dream that you are sleeping, denotes peace of mind. Alternatively, it may also mean that you are ignorant and not fully aware of the conditions and circumstances around you. (personally, I’d go with ignorant… I know nothing…)
  • To see a lit fireplace in your dream, symbolizes contentment, warmth, and comfort. (see.)
  • The faceless killers, well – thats where it gets even better lol. “To see a faceless figure or person in your dream, indicates that you are still searching for your own identity and finding out who you are. Perhaps you are unsure of how to read people and their emotions. And therefore are expressing a desire to know and understand these people in a deeper level.”
  • The killer aspect = “To see a killer in your dream, suggests that an essential aspect of your emotions have been cut off. You feel that you are losing your identity and your individuality. Alternatively, this dream may represent purification and the healing process. You are standing up for yourself and putting a dramatic end to something”

All of these interpretaions have been taken from here
It would appear that my life really is pretty ace LOL despite dreams of death, loss and horror.Sadly I don’t really believe in any of that – but it is fairly interesting.
Its like tarot reading, it just helps you to sort out your thoughts, things you may not have realised were bothering you will be the first things to come to mind when a card is explained to you.
At least that’s always been my take on it having done tarot reading for a living and all.

Very stressful job that really – I truly believe the tarot phoneline people should be sent on some kind of course, like the samaritans.
Seriously. Its just new age help – people want answers, they have problems they feel the need to share – and at at least £1 a minute I really think it’s not too much to ask that they at least get someone who can actually help.

I remember one call from a girl who was ready to commit suicide because she was so worried about her exam results – she wanted a reading for the future, to see whether she’d pass… I was on the phone over 30 minutes with this poor girl, trying to do everything I could to let her see that it would not be the end of the world if her grades were not as hoped for – and that was before I even shuffled the cards (back then we actually used cards – now it’s all done via a computer program, like everything else – it’s fake.)
By the end of the call (I got a bloody bonus for keeping her on the phone an hr and a half – thats £90 she spent, just for some reassurance!) she was laughing, had planned about 3 alternate futures for herself and was promising to look me up when she made her first million…

But thats not the point. I’m not a qualified therapist, it took me having a 30minute break to get over that call – yes, it still bothers me. I could so easily have been the thing responsible for pushing that girl over the edge, I was lucky, she took to me and was able to listen to reason. Not long after that I quit.
It’s too much responsibility.

scary dreams

I had a nightmare last night, probably more than one as I know I woke up feeling totally unrested. However the one I remember… Now that was a doozy. The thing to note about my dreams is how clear and detailed they are – especially the ones I remember, its not just a scene here or there – its always a fully developed story; too much for me to recount when telling, almost like a memory not a dream. In this particular dream I was visiting friends. These particular friends (3 of them) had opened a dojo type place, in fact they were basically training an army – policing the world kind of thing. Sadly I discovered this army had turned bad behind my friends collective backs. They had been subourned by beings that had opened a kind of ‘dimensional gateway’ through the wall of the training room. Now to set the scene, this training room was at the top of a tower – not the kind you see in old films, more like a modern version of that – think of a building like the urbis with a tower at one end of it, the top floor basically sealed off from the rest of the building which is mainly offices with the occasional rest/ recreation space. In my dream, I knew I was not physically present but I ‘saw’ the boards being removed from the wall and key members of the team going through for a clandestine meeting. I then went to my friends to warn them – it seems this ability to ‘see’ things was a known power of mine in this dream as they didn’t question the vision, just the truth of it – arguing that their students must have been going to do battle with the evil I saw, not to meet with them.
However, we got to the training room as they were coming back through the boards, we confronted them – they showed their hand and attacked us, calling reinforcements from behind the wall (these reinforcements… The only way I can describe them was ‘demonic’ S laughed when I described this to him, started chanting “mortal combat, mortal combat” and yes… I admit, I guess it did sound funny to him.. Made me chuckle too – after all, it was only a dream…)

Anyway, we managed to thin the numbers down to just us and the rogue students, we captured one of them (now I should note the clothing, all the students were dressed in garments that resembled the rags lepers are normally portrayed in, this means their faces were at all times covered so what follows did not seem odd) the big bad guy had gotten away, I and one of our number had given chase so it was just the other two teachers and a couple of ‘students’ doing the ‘interrogation’ – I was watching it using my ‘othersight’.
As swift results were deemed necessary, they strung him up and suspended him from the tower above the stairwell, basically hanging him, the only problem was, they couldn’t see that it was a trick – they were hanging their own friend.. The ‘students’ became excited by his frantic struggling as he was slowly hanged.
I was disgusted to see them start masturbating and giggling at his predicament – knowing they could do this unseen by the 2 hanging onto the rope, I tried to cry out to let them know, to try and warn them of the danger, to make them release him. But telepathy was obviously NOT one of my gifts.
When the deed was done and he hung limply, the ‘students’ attacked. Capturing my friends, they dragged them down the stairs and out of the building onto the grass outside where they showed them just what they’d done to their friend and colleague before eating them alive. I could hear their screams as I was frantically fighting for my own life.

I had chased the big bad guy out of the building, he was joined by 4 or 5 others… They surrounded me, laughing evilly, one of them handed me a knife – a huge effort, almost like a cleaver – the kind of things chefs use on TV programmes when they want to make a real show of chopping vegetables. Another threw a sword at me. They then started taunting me and running in, feigning attacks to try and draw me out… I just kept circling trying to get closer to the leader. Then the largest of them ran full at me, intending to take me out I think – to ensure I had the same fate as my friends… I stabbed him.
“Stabbed” is really too inadequate a word for the satisfaction I felt on sinking that knife deep into his flesh. It slid in like a hot knife through butter and his howls were definitely music to my ears.
For a second they backed off as I swung round and severed his head using the sword they’d thrown at me – then they all ran in at once.
I was like a demon myself – slashing and circling, always just keeping that circle around myself clear, until they over ran me by sheer numbers – they came pouring at me from nowhere. I woke with the image of my body disappearing under a wriggling heap of theirs, secure in the knowledge that I was dead.

Why is it that my clearest dreams always end up with me dying – generally being beaten to death… Serious, check here for one I had a few years ago… That one really affected me for a while.
I can’t even figure out what prompted this dream… The sword fighting I get – watched kill bill 2 not so long ago. But the rest of it?!?
told you my mind was an odd place to be.

Actually, I’ve been reading Orson Scott card again – currently on ‘shadow of the hegemon’ last of fantastic series about an alternate future wherein children become military geniuses and save the world from both aliens and ourselves…
read this extract and tell me the guy isn’t a social genius:

“I’m talking about the cycle of life, I’m talking about finding some alien creature and deciding to marry her and stay with her forever, no matter whether you even like each other or not a few years down the road. And why will you do this? So you can make babies together, and try to keep them alive and teach them what they need to know so that someday they’ll have babies, and keep the whole thing going. And you’ll never draw a secure breath until you have grandchildren, a double handful of them, because you know then that your line wont die out, your influence will continue. Selfish isn’t it? Only its not selfish, its what life is for. It’s the only thing that brings happiness, ever, to anyone. All the other things – victories, achievements, honours, causes – they bring only momentary flashes of pleasure. But binding yourself to another person and to the children you make together, that’s life. And you can’t do it if your life is centered on your ambitions. You’ll never be happy. It will never be enough, even if you rule the world.”

that’s what I’ve been trying to say I think, except its all been said for me right here, there is more to life than making sure you hit your work targets, that you get a decent night out, that you pay your bills. Its this; Life.

Lets face it, we all blog one way or another, but isn’t the most enduring form of passing on knowledge that which we hand to our children and they in turn hand to theirs? The one thing we all long for, secretly or otherwise, is someone to hold us close – to say “Everythings ok, I Love you” and to MEAN it. Once you have that, nothing else matters.

I’ve spent more time online in the last week than I have in months and its not that I’m an addict (though I’ve called myself that often enough, and been accused of it by others) but I truly do feel more myself today than I have in ages, surfing, chatting, blogging… I’ve managed to pass on a little of myself today – just don’t tell me the results of your psycho-analysis, my fragile ego couldn’t take it LOL (uh huh, so fragile that I pompously espouse the true meaning of life and explain just what EVERYONE wants – The world according to Vicky… *sigh* so modest…)

Still, it all serves to stimulate my mind – I’m a naturally curious person anyway – not really out of any great desire to learn anything, just because.
Its not that I even really retain the knowledge I gain, nor do I really utilise it – everything I learn I learn either because I have to or because for whatever reason, at that moment in time, my curiosity was piqued. I suppose according to the values of our society at present that makes me lazy, a waste of space. Sod ’em. It make me happy and harms none, besides at least it’s still learning, even if I don’t have any particular use for the lessons themselves…
Yet.