Rosevibe

A conversation with @elmundio87 got me thinking earlier;

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When I first started this blog I had no life; I was working every hour god sent and a few more to boot until I really had no life because the ME/CFS took it away. I had a great deal to say and a great deal of time in which to say it – even though most of it was waffle and has since been consigned to the ether with a click of the delete key.

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Physically I am very lucky; despite my grumbles my natural body shape falls within the bounds of curvy as opposed to noticeably overweight – even post-pregnancy. I eat healthily and try to avoid stress as much as possible because stress exacerbates my condition. All of which lends itself to the physical appearance of a healthy young woman.

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Back in 2005 I was getting to grips with ME/CFS and how it had changed my life, things were pretty bleak: (more…)

RAH!!!!!

Yup, talk talk finally came through yesterday evening so I’m back where I belong: in front of a computer screen.

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It’s been pretty hectic since the social media conference, I’ve had furniture delivered, a plumber round to fix ’stuff’ attended an antenatal class with Stef and been to a wedding; after which I had the biggest scare of my life..

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Ok, to fill you all in on just why my posting has been pants for the last few months and why I’ve been so ill and why I’ve barely posted anything else. You see, when you have something big happening in your life it’s all you want to write about – especially on a personal blog like this, but no..
My beloved has been adamant that we shouldn’t tell people our news until after we’ve had the first scan and know for sure that everything is ok – I’ve not been able to blog or stay online because it’s just too hard to keep the secret to myself, but Friday night he went out with all his male cousins and they got to hear the news in the pub – even though we won’t be going for the scan until tuesday..

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Seems I should check my paperwork more carefully, I’m still fully hosted right up until june YEY!

*grin*

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Hurrah! for internet shopping say I.

Yup, aside from the beady goodness recently purchased from Hobbycraft (just a little hint there for my female relatives, that’s right it’s home made jewelery for you again this year *grin* learn to love it!) Christmas shopping online was practically finished by the end of November, that makes me very happy.

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I’ve been following the You & Yours spot about ME/CFS on BBC Radio 4 out of idle curiosity, I’m not expecting any great shakes from it but it’s certainly pulling a few cockroaches out of the woodwork..

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I saw this posted in the comments of a blog post by Mediajoltz and it got me to thinking.

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A while back Sean Fisher asked to interview me as part of his journalism coursework, he wanted to ask me things about ME/CFS and how it affected my life.
Sean was actually living with me when I first came down with the illness so he knew me before, during and after and has seen first hand how debilitating it is and just what a change it makes to a persons life – which is why I agreed, I hate to talk about those things normally because I cry, just thinking about it makes me cry – I hate crying, especially in front of other people so normally I’ll either avoid the topic or make some throwaway statement before hastily changing the subject.

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I started today with a bad CFS/ME attack, Stef once more had to do the carrying to and from the bathroom thing because I couldn’t physically move, grunting was the highest form of communication at my command and I felt like crap. I’m still aching to buggery and I’m soooo tired it’s untrue.. But I don’t care.

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As the song goes anyway.

I’m really sick of always being tired and always being in pain, logically I know it’s worse at the moment because of the incipient arrival of certain biological functions – but logic does not enter into it where emotion is concerned.

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This letter says everything you need to know about ME/CFS

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Don’t make me laugh!

The government are apparently eager to get all of us malingerers off incapacity benefit and back on the work force – at least that’s the story..

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Sadly not in the ‘home’ sense of the word but I have taken the slightly scary first step of looking for work.

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What a night – seriously, it’s been an absolute corker – I can’t even remember the last time i wanted to blog about a night in the Bull *grin*

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..Sum me up in 1000 words.

Or not *grin* I was interviewed today by Sean (some of you may remember him, he was the filthy beast with whom I used to live before getting this here lovenest with my honey) he’s now studying journalism at Salford uni and has to interview ’someone interesting’ apparantly my CFS/ME issues come under that heading lol
Whaddaya know! Here was me thinking my humdrum life was of no interest to anyone but you little lot (all 6 or 7 of you regular visitors.. and by the way, how come only 3 of you ever comment? I love that K, Kelly and more recently HK have found something to say – but why do you others lurk so..?)

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So I didn’t get DLA, I’m not shocked, the medical assessment was hellish and I knew in my gut I’d be refused any more financial help. It sucks, just because I look normal and healthy i’m obviously faking it as far as they’re concerned, they don’t see me on the days i need to rest up for 90% of my awake time!

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We climbed out of the pit around midday, slobbed around for another couple of hours then got in the car to sit in rush hour traffic and listen to steve wright and chris evans on radio 2, then we came home, ate take out, watched films and went to bed.

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I’d set my alarm for 10am, just to make sure I was up and ready for this medical assessment, sadly I was just too knackered so I shuffled the alarm up to 12pm and went back to sleep.
We went off to Albert bridge house where the ordeal was to take place. Stef dropped me off at the gate and went to park the car so I wouldn’t have miles to walk – I think I should just have gone with him and done the walking because I was called straight through to see the doctor without my moral support.

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I wake up, distinct lack of enthusiasm for moving from the bed to the bathroom despite an insistant nagging from my bladder. I lie there almost dozing for a couple of hours, halfheartedly trying to convince myself it’d be a good idea to get out of bed – I know if I really push myself I can move but it all just seems like too much effort for no good reason.

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Seriously, how better to procrastinate than to read about ways of avoiding it.

Genius 

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Just listening to a few of the tracks we’re rehearsing – I just hope my throats up for it *sigh* ah well, I’ve a fair amount of time until we get together again.

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Well, not really a dirty weekend, but it sounds good *grin*

One of Stef’s friends got married on Saturday, we had to go really – he made Stef do a reading at the wedding (which he got through in magnificent style despite his qualms about using the word ‘foibles’ *chuckle*) When we tried to book a room at the hotel where the wedding was being held there seemed to be none available so we booked a cottage in West Aukland instead:

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okies, here’s what I sent to the paypal resolution centre about 2 minutes ago:

I requested confirmation of shipping from the seller as I’d had no correspondnace and they were no longer registered on ebay. I gave them a little more leeway after they emailed me to apologise and state that a job offer over christmas had delayed things.

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Figures really, I was still buzzing so much that even after I wen to bed at a fairly reasonable hour i was still lying in the dark, wide awake when him downstairs starts.

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I’m not sure if those of you over the pond are aware of who this guy is, over here he’s basically an ‘A’ list celeb these days.

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When I was a kid I wrote into ‘the Gusher’ aka the Daventry Express, I wrote about the apalling lack of facilities around for kids who had no money and nowhere to go – I wrote it in response to a person who complained about the gangs of kids hanging around the end of their street, (the same kind of thing I complain about now – though to be fair the gangs I hung around with didn’t throw things or attack people) the next thing I know there’s a double page spread featuring me talking to various council members and other kids my age, that was the start of my summer of fame – I was in the paper more than I was school I think, 1992 was a good year *grin*

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On the whole I’ve not had too bad a holiday season, good company, great food and many a gift all combine to create a feeling of general goodwill, the only fly in the ointment was this crappy illness rearing it’s ugly little head and preventing me from seeing my bestest bud.

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I woke up this morning after dreaming that i’d gone downstairs to open my gifts only to find everyone else had already opened theirs and half of the things we’d brought were missing – instead there were just hundreds of chocolate eggs – and all the ones i’m not too keen on, cadburys caramel and kinder and some other nasty ones of that size.. it was very weird.

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I’ve been toying with the idea for some time now of trying to sell some of my creations on Ebay since there’s really nothing else I can do to raise money and fund my hobby, this has led to me also thinking of ways to link my website and make it do something useful as opposed to just sit there.

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Sleeping.

Yup, the CFS has reared it’s ugly little head and attempted to steal my life again – this time around though I haven’t crumpled into a weeping wreck at the unfairness of it all. Stef took me into town on wednesday so I could meet up with Dawn, he’s a good lad really, there should be more about like him!

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I’m actually half thankful that this benefit screw up has happened.

OK, because I have no paperwork covering the dates they claim I owe from that could prove I do not owe the money, I have to suck it up and pay it. However,after speaking to the welfare rights people it appears I can at least get the sum they take from me each fortnight significantly reduced.

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I went to a talk today that was supposed to be given by Dr. John Gow about his research into the biomedical markers for CFS (which to you and me means finding a way of testing reliably for the illness by looking at the way our genes react and then showing that reaction in a blood test)

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And people wonder why british teeth are in such bad shape..

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I’ve been looking around for possible places to move to – as well as possible routes to getting back to work.

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I am going to bed in a minute.. I am, really.

I just got a little sidetracked reading through some of my old posts (prompted by a search that showed up on my stats) I used to be totally addicted to blog – reading and writing.
I can actually remember how I’d be mentally writing posts about anything and everything I saw in the day (that is in the days I used to go places to see things lol) I’d never go so far as to claim my writing enriched the ‘blogosphere’ in anyway, but it was a damned sight better back then than it is now.
All I seem to talk about is being ill these days – how crappy is that?

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I had virtually finished this post, it was witty.. Informative.. Fairly disgusting, but yes – it was just about done.. Then firefox wigged out on me – again!

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Not been around for a while, not likely to be.
why?
a wonderful thing called a perianal abcess developed, I came out of hospital yesterday and i’m now waiting for the surgery to heal, could be a couple of weeks..
i’ll be back, just may be a while.

I’ve been going through my cfs blog and quite interestingly it turns out that all the crapness I’ve been feeling physically the last few weeks are very similar to what I was feeling this time last year, who knows maybe I’m grasping at straws but it could be a pattern..

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I’ve been feeling pretty crappy lately, drained, aching and generally under the weather – this has not made me an easy person to live with.

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Ick.
I had a full blog post in my head, it was sat there eagerly awaiting escape to the net.
But it’s gone.
*sigh* my head is so full of holes these days I can’t seem to retain a thought for more than 5 minutes.
I’m blaming therapy (even though I’ve only been once) I have to go back today with my excersize diary. I lead an incredibly boring life.
It’s true. The most interesting parts of my week are the driving lessons. If I’m not reading or beading then I’m online, I crash around 3 times a week and according to this, dizzy spells occur at least twice a week and the pain is a constant with several ’spikes’ of nastiness occurring intermittantly.
So despite doing nothing anyway, whats the betting this bird tells me I’m doing too much? *sigh* I only do about 5hrs worth of walking in a week and it’s generally just to do shopping or walking to the pub (when I go, that seems to have dwindled down to maybe once a month now)

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The one thing this weekend has shown me is how much I miss being able to go out and dance the night away.
I’ve never liked going out just for the sake of having a drink, that’s never appealed. But I do miss being able to have a good dance. Once upon a time I’d be on the dance floor the second I’d dumped my coat and only stopping for crap songs and toilet breaks. Now I can’t even stay up for a complete song – even 2 minutes of dancing leaves me ready to crash.
There’s talk of going to a club tonight but I’m shattered after 2 nights of karaoke and I feel like a complete killjoy begging off. The only good thing about it is I know Claires not much of a clubber and her sister winds me up something chronic, so perhaps it’s more of a relief that I’m a sickie eh?! lol

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Just got back in, Claire and her mum are happily strumming away on the ol’ guitars and I’m nursing my throat *grin* Roll on 2007, the summer months.

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I’ve had a pretty good day today – even if it did suck when the alarm went off at the crack of dawn.
Had to go to the hospital today to see the immunologist, he was lovely – he’s also referring me for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy to you lot) In an attempt to help me manage the CFS better. I’ve got mixed feelings on this – he assures me it isn’t ‘counseling’ as such, but the stuff I’ve read on the matter and the things I’ve heard make me doubt him. Guess I’ll just have to see for myself eh?!

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I’ve been up since about 4am following a fairly disturbing dream.

I woke up completely disoriented, I didn’t know who or where I was because my dream identity still had me in it’s clutches. I nearly died of shock when Stef started snoring because until that point I hadn’t even realised I was sharing the bed – scared the shit out of me it did. Reminded me of who and where I was though.

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Ok, I’m back for a quickie *grin*
I’m just not tired – well, not sleepy tired…
I’ll admit to being a little nervous about thursday, I’m still having trouble with these temporary bridge things, thursday the permanent ones get put in and I’m worried that they’ll hurt too. *sigh* I’m such a wuss when it comes to pain – being on antibiotics for an ulcerated throat doesn’t help *sniff* I’ve done no singing for weeks, talking was even a problem the last couple and I’ve been back on solid food for exactly 2 days – I’m not looking forward to more mush.
On the plus side I’ve lost weight and mum gave me a lovely dress today that would never have fit otherwise.

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Well, it’s official.
I’ve just checked my finances and I’m skint – again.
At the end of October I need to pay my dentist over £300 for badly needed work on my teeth (all cheer, I’m finally getting it sorted) I also have to worry about Christmas and a few other financial commitments.

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Right now I’m supposed to be down south meeting the other halfs family.
Sadly because I’m a puking cripple we made it as far as the petrol station before I had to beg him to bring me home so I could kneel at the feet of the porcelain throne, again.

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I just had the most disturbing nightmare about a girl in a burns unit – she was going for a meeting/ party about a year after her attack, the security guard greeted her and another lass at the door, both appeared to be blind as a result of their attacks, the girl most prominantly featured in the dream obviously had some mental damage too – her speech was slightly slurred and she had a tendancy to repeat herself.
It was like something from the start of a CSI show.
Entrance to the unit through an underground carpark. Kindly old (black) security guard making a quick joke with the 2 young ladies as they enter the building, then outright terror as a gang of barely seen figures enter the scene menacingly, the girls run up the entranceway in terror and start banging on the doors – one gets left behind by accident because she loses contact with the person leading her and can only listen in terror as the kindly security guard is beaten and burned to death in the car park before she gets dragged into the safety of the burns unit where they call the police.
That’s when I woke up.
My throat is all hurty again from the non-screaming screaming you tend to do in your sleep.
And I’m still so tired, it’s been like this for weeks. I’ll get to sleep but I wake up unrefreshed because of barely remembered nightmares – I’m up and down all night because things keep disturbing me when I don’t have nightmares – I’m fed up with it.
I’m constantly narky and out of sorts – I just want some decent sleep.
It’s a shame they couldn’t give me something to bring home from the hospital to sedate me every night *sigh* though that’s not the answer I know. I just wish I knew what was bothering me so I could sort it and get some sleep! Or at least have a dream that wasn’t a nightmare.

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If you wanna know what it’s like having a gastroscopy I’m afraid you’ll have to ask some bugger else.
All I know is, I went in hungry – got a little anxious as I lay down and had one of those nasty plastic tap things inserted into my elbow (I have junkie veins in my right arm. They always get me there) Had to try and sign a relese form after said insertion – and that’s pretty much it till I came round in another room where I was handed a cup of tea and an egg salad sandwich (I was offered quite a selection but for some reason I wanted the egg – I’m thinking it must’ve been the drugs)
Anyhow, sore throat and much fading in and out of sleep later I’m about to head to bed and hope there’s still some sleep of the natural variety left in me.
I’m still digging the charmed box set though – it appears I did miss most of seasons 1 & 2, I’m looking forward to gaining the 3rd one in October – I’ve promised it to myself as an ‘I love me’ gift, you do it – they’re the best kind…

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Well – I’m an official salford resident, I have a doctor and a dentist and I’m not looking forward to either initial examination *sigh*
On the plus side it can’t possibly be as bad as the gastroscopy I’m having tomorrow at Crumpsall. Still – they’ll be sedating me so at least I’ll get some decent sleep finally *grin* ahh… Sleep…
Nah, bit worried because my gag reflex can kick in just by a good tooth scrubbing, having a flexible hose shoved down my throat is not really a procedure designed to bring me comfort and joy.
Ah well, could be worse I guess, they could be going in through my stomach.

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Been a bit of a rough day emotionally for me today.
The DWP Dr. came round this afternoon for my home assessment, that in itself proved to be something I needlessly worried about, the guy was really nice.
However, he expressed concern over my ’sleepy fits’ as I call them, he says that’s not ‘usual’ for CFS and ‘raises the issue of Narcolepsy’.

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I have come to the conclusion my landlord moonlights as a mule for drug dealers.
My reasoning is that only a vast amount of drugs could explain his behaviour because no-one who has earned enough money to buy a whole street can be this incompetent. I’m thinking the stomach lining has ruptured and he’s finally ingested his cargo…

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I began thinking earlier of just how much time I would have to myself if I gave up the internet.
Now, I know that the time I spend online these days is but a mere fraction of the time I’d spend this time last year, but it is still quite a substantial portion of my life.

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The latest craze on my street appears to be the pogo stick.
Day and night it seems all I can hear is the ‘cahinkachinkachinkachinka’ of it bouncing up and down outside my house…
It’s driving me nuts!

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As you may or may not know about me, I love artwork – especially landscapes/ seascapes or anything fantasy related.
I’ve been browsing around (again) and I’ve found some bloody good stuff so my link list will be getting longer, just as a taster for one of the sites I found today have a squizz at this:

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Just been for a quick sqizz here
That’s why I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes attempting to make my right foot fall off.

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I’m really confused right now.
My Dr has just managed to make me all suspicious of Ben (the lovely acupuncturist I’ve been recieving treatment from) He didn’t come right out and say that he thinks he may be conning me, but he danced around the issue enough that it’s put all sorts of thoughts in my head.

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I know you’re used to it but there’s no wild and wacky karaoke story to tell today, I’m not going for a couple of weeks – last night I wasn’t feeling up to it anyhow and money is more than a little tight at casa Vicky so no fun and games for me *sniff* But I am finally doing something constructive on the health front.

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Having M.E. sucks great big hairy donkey bollocks.

I do make a conscious effort not to moan about it in general – to anyone. If I’m honest I try really hard not to even think about it.
But I’ve had a long chat about it today and so many things are buzzing around in my mind I need to put it down somewhere, I’ve kinda lost track of my blog being that place the last few days – weeks even, I get so engrossed in the lives of others that I’ve not had to really think about mine, except in a general way.
So today, this is all about me.
I always write on the fly so I hope it doesn’t turn too maudlin even if it is a whinge, but this is in lieu of someone being here to talk with about it all.
I can’t talk to anyone about it really, I get too upset and give up trying to explain myself – even when I think its important.

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I dreamt I trapped off with David Bowie last night.
God knows where that came from – and it was at a candle party ffs. A candle party in aid of cancer research that my gran had hosted – he wasn’t flavour of the month though – she apparantly knew him under a different name and ‘those P- boys were a bad lot’ (can’t remember the surname she used except it started with P) The thing is, I’ve never really been that into David Bowie – musically or otherwise (though the Labyrinth soundtrack was ok) I’d love to know what my subconscious was trying to tell me with that one.
He was very sweet though, attentive – and a great kisser *grin* I love my dreams sometimes…

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*sniff* If you don’t wanna be bored stupid with another post about my ongoing health issues – hit the back button now.

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I had a hellish day today.
I can giggle a bit about it now, but at the time…
I left the house at 8am, I was feeling quite crap as I’d made myself stay awake so I would not miss my hospital appointment, one of the problems with this whole ’sleepy’ illness thing is I appear to have lost the ability to wake up when an alarm goes off.
I stood at the bus stop in the rain for around 20 minutes enduring the mindless gossip of the group of 11-15yr olds stood smoking and spitting alongside me
I could feel myself turning into the ‘disapproving aunt’ type, my mouth getting more and more pursed as I saw that the youngest looking boy was in fact smoking a spliff and was handing it around amongst them – obviously using it as his tool to gain kudos amongst his peers.
It was with quite a large amount of relief I watched them all get onto a bus other than the one I was waiting for.

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Ok, I’m now home and dry, the washing is packed away, I have a brew and am feeling like a total washed out tit.
Tonight lays bare the lie that I have common sense.
Seriously… If I truly possessed this attribute, no way would I have done the asda run in this weather wearing what I was wearing…
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ARRRRRRRrrrrrrghhhhhhhh…
I forgot the date. I’m supposed to start my novel today. Never mind eh?!

I’ve now watched the entire first season of Dark Angel on DVD – I so wish I looked like Jessica Alba (sometimes) and cat DNA in my makeup… hmmmm, could prove interesting. Updated the love song list on my ‘bleaugh’ blog, finally getting somewhere with that which is nice – seriously, I was beginning to think there was no hope. Now I shall finish answering my mail, stick my ‘new’ tv in the bedroom, make a brew and commence typing.
Funny though – I had all these ideas the other day but now I’m actually thinking about it – my mind is blank. *sniff* Guess it’ll have to be a stream of conscious thing again. This is going to be even harder than I originally thought…

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It’s another net thing I’m afraid
Discovered this handy lil thing whilst trying to log onto bleeping computer. tells you everything you need to know about a hijack this log (for those not in the know, hijack this is a program that scans whats happening on your computer and then allows you to choose what has to go, you can post the log it generates onto a help forum and the tech guys take a look and generally give very handy information on how to rid your system of the accumulated nasties showing)
I do have several friends that get horrified expressions on their faces “oh my god, you post information about your system where anyone can see it?”

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well i got soaked. It started hammering down 5 minutes after i got off the bus.
i purchased cleaning products, got my prescribed painkillers (that so far seem to do jack for the pain) and wandered around the shops listening to tunes before i came back here.
I was seriously considering heading out to a random club in preston by myself tomorrow night just so i could have some music to listen to – until i started to feel REALLY awful on the way back.
If i cant even head to the shops without feeling like i’m going to pass out, clubbing alone is definitely not going to fall under the heading of ‘good idea’
and i’ve managed to break the fire so its freezing in here *sigh* someone save me from myself.
Now.
Pleeeeeeeeeeease…

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Now i am thoroughly depressed.
I’ve just returned from the dr’s and spoken to work about said visit. It appears all my blood test results were negative, my liver/ heart etc etc all fine – which is good. What isn’t so good is that he’s narrowed it down to either Fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome if you click and read the links you’ll see why i’m depressed. On the plus side though – my boss agreed with me disappearing to spain for a proper break is not only a good idea but something i should seriously consider doing. Shame he didnt also say they’d pay for it lol
Right now though, i’m going to take a couple of painkillers and have a nice relaxing bath to try and clear some of the achyness, probably have a bit of a wallow in self pity for an hour or so then just go back to getting on with it.

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Finally!
seems my PC does not like blogger much *sigh* well its been a few days, much has happened – kinda…
Boss came from work to do a house visit (check up on me) they went away suitably confused and unimpressed with my previous Dr (he responsible for the 3 month sick note) I’m being put forward for company healthcare (woohoo!) and I signed up with a new Dr yesterday.
The nurse was fantastic, I felt more reassured in one visit to her than in both visits with the last quack, Admittedly I’d rather not have had to give so much blood but if it means I can find out what’s up with me – so much the better.
Actually, I’m wondering if there might not be something in the old practice of ‘bleeding’ a patient… I felt better yesterday than I have done in weeks, though it may also have something to do with the combination of my mums delicious shepherds pie and the supplements I’ve started taking courtesy of 1st vitality

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Well as i’ve spent pretty much all day in bed, it’s hardly surprising i’m awake now.
Last night killed me. I ended up battered, bruised and limping.
Yes, I stuffed my knee up again and all for nothing – excersize does not help my ‘condition’, if anything it makes it WORSE.
I managed to drag myself out of bed at 12.30 this afternoon and was crashed out again by 4. only reason I woke up is cos sean came in to hand me the phone. (was well embarrasing, my team leader from work was calling to check up on me and there I was doing the whole “wh…?!” totally not with it when i wake up) It appears I have now been absent from work for a month which means I have to endure a home visit.
Joy.
So on wednesday I have to make sure I can drag myself out of bed and face both my team leader and his boss in my front room, give them a full rundown of my illness and prove (despite having already presented a sick note from my dr) to their satisfaction, that I am not fit enough to be in work.
Oh yeah, and I need to still call in to keep them ‘appraised of the situation’. I can see their point but… gah! I dont want to even think about work when i’m not there, now I feel like i’ve got the whole ‘big brother is watching you’ thing going on. And to top it off…? I have to ring HR to find out what I need to do regarding ssp since im no longer eligible for pay from work *sniff* about to become VERY skint again…

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Seems the hardcore elephant urination approach has paid off *grimace* so I’m considering changing the title of my blog. For real, checking the keywords used by the people who have found it:

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Feeling crappy again, was woken up at just gone 12 by ‘the big boss’ from work *sigh* I hadn’t realised that I was still meant to call in every day once I got a sick note, probably means I’m now going to lose money *sniff*
I wouldn’t mind but its just a stupid thing, yesterday, despite having next to no sleep, I felt fine – I even managed to clean the kitchen, plenty of energy.
Today, the neck/ back ache have returned with a vengeance, my throat feels like someone’s poured a ton of acid down it, I have an ulcer forming under my tongue (thank god for anbesol!) and I’m so TIRED! Its horrible. I’m having to force myself to sit up and move around, as it is I cant even look at the screen for too long because its like a stabbing pain at the back of my eyes.
I know, I should probably just go back to bed and wuss out, but that’s basically all I’ve been doing for the last 2 weeks near enough. Its starting to REALLY piss me off. There doesn’t LOOK like anything’s wrong with me – serious, I look the picture of health! I’m just so worn out, its a real effort to get out of bed – one of the reasons I don’t want to get back into bed, I’m trying to build up enough willpower to make it downstairs and grab some food. I’m not hungry – in fact I feel a little nauseous, but if I’m this weak now, doesn’t bear thinking about how bad I’ll get without feeding.
Roll on getting those blood test results back! i just want to know what the bloomin’ hell is wrong with me.
ok, its taken me over 30mins to write this, maybe i should just head back to bed and do the pitiful thing, get sean to make me tea and toast when he gets back…

Went to the Dr’s this evening, after spending an hour this morning on the phone fruitlessly trying to find one I could register with. It seems there are STILL only 2 in my area taking on, and I can have an appointment at either – provided I wait around 4 weeks till they have a nurse in to conduct a health check. Its ridiculous, I can get emergency treatment – but ONLY a Dr you are registered with will give you a sick note. It ended up me ringing the nhs back to check on the database which Dr has me registered, as its been well over a year since I last used one I wasn’t sure if I’d have been struck off the books or not.

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Joy.
Thats what the Dr at the A&E thinks i have. I was in there for about 3 hours, sadly they couldnt give me a sick note but he has given me a helpline number to call – assuming anyone ever answers it i will apparantly have a gp assigned to me within 48hrs, at least i’ll be able to get a sick note then, may even get work off my back.
I feel rotten – truly, headachey, dizzy, stiff neck and shoulders… and today the weepy thing kicked in… not what i wanted.. its bad enough feeling totally worn out and sleepy all the time without crying over nothing too.
The worst part of it is… i may well have infected S with it, he’s sick as a dog too. *sigh* i wouldnt mind but i had Glandular fever as a kid – REALLY badly, i lost about 6 stone in 3 days and was bedridden for about 3 weeks. It was nothing like this – the Dr at the time had to give me an injection to stop the vomiting. If this is glandular fever i’m bloomin’ glad i’ve got off lightly, never do i wish to feel THAT ill again.
gah… seems i used up my pc tolerance yesterday, im back to not being able to focus on the screen for too long *sigh* guess i’ll just head back to bed *whimper*
just shoot me.

well, i called in sick today. (again) its bad enough being ill in work when you can still just about function but talking all day with a throat that feels like so much chopped liver… nah. no point – i shall just have to accept the fact that im gonna be whinged at, i cant help being ill can i?

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ahhhh… Nightnurse. where have you been all my life?!
drug of the gods, curer of misery… i salute you.
yes, fighting fit and happy again (well, still a little shakey and bunged up but no longer sniffly, sneezing and teary of eye) One night with chemical cure and im feeling more myself, perhaps i shouldnt be so hasty at declining the offer of drugs in future. I do tend to try everything else before succumbing to manmade cures… foolish really, i just hate taking tablets and stuff.
Well, in about 6 weeks M can have his sofa back as we will have a very nice 3 & 2 seater set courtesy of my pa – and in about the same amount of time we should finally have a cooker. God ive missed proper meals, a microwave is all well and good but you cant do a decent roast in it – and forget a proper casserole.
sean just wants it for the making of cakes and brownies. No matter…
Have no clue what gig im working tonight, just glad im well enough to work – i hate losing shifts, but last night was unavoidable. Seriously – i cant believe the difference after just one night, that medicine is GOOD stuff. Knocked me right out too – was in bed by about 5pm, woke up at 4am, had another dose, woke up again at midday… fantastic stuff.
Just waiting on a phonecall from J now so i can sort out my next wing chun lesson, cant wait… i REALLY like that, despite being ill ive managed to practice stance and punch a few times… just have to see if ive been doing it properly when i see him again. Hope so, i hate not being able to do things – im used to picking things up quickly, i get frustrated when i cant do something instantly.